My Auntie Linguica once remarked that “criminals are the bread and butter of the justice system.” Mind you, that pungent remark was the basis of her (unsuccessful) defense on charges of mail fraud, but there is a kernel of truthiness in it.

If it weren’t for repeat red-carpet offenders, I wouldn’t have my glittering career as a professional fashion chastizer. So as I ladle out the Johnnie Walker gravy, I’m also sopping up gratitude with the biscuits of humility. To all those near-sighted stylists, starlets who dress for porn shoots and divas who consider hamsters an accessory - I thank you.